Don’t swear at work, use these phrases instead.



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17 Comments

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  1. Rather than retraining all employees to not curse, simply fire the complainers. It’s generally just one individual, and the others rapidly follow suit.

  2. Step one is to say buns instead of ass, as in kiss my buns or you’re a buns hole.

    Step two, instead of crap, say poo, as in bull poo, poo head, and poo that is chilly.

    Step three, with bitch, drop the T because bich means “generosity” in Latin.

    Step 4: Stop saying fuck since it is the worst thing you can say. That’s why I say, “All right!”

  3. Meanwhile, in “real” life, I was chastised for calling a group of women “gals.” It’s fine, but at this point, I’d rather not speak with another human in a professional capacity for the rest of my life. In this one way, I miss the old submarine force… you could ask an officer where “fuck-face” was and he’d know who you were talking about.

  4. “Let’s explore a timetable and expectation based on my current priorities,” or anything like that, should be number three. I’d never offer to work late on the spot like that, but that’s just me.

  5. I normally sound like a stevedore with Tourette’s Syndrome, but I was a piker at my last office job. It had a locker-room feel to it. I now work from home… My wife isn’t bothered by the language, but the cats are.

    In any case, here’s my contribution to the list:

    ”As I previously said in my email…”

    *This time, fuck-head, pay attention.*

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