Job hunting in 2021



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49 Comments

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  1. I suppose it’s a compliment, but I received an email yesterday stating that my experience was appropriate for a job. You must be a former special forces officer with international arms training experience to be considered for this role. I’ve never served in the military, never traveled overseas, and never shot a weapon.

  2. I’m an IT boss, and I’m still getting offers for Tier 1 support desk positions on a three-month deal. LinkedIn, you’re inebriated.

  3. It must be such a letdown to go from dealing with dead people all the time to dealing with people who should be fucking murdered. For me, ten years in the service sector felt like a jail sentence.

  4. I’m a published researcher and a member of the Royal Society of Chemistry. I’ve worked in a lab for the past six years.

    I’m working as a meat cutter because the pay is higher, the positions are more secure, and I can afford to live near the job.

  5. My favorite example is how, after signing an unbreakable 6-month contract for a crappy job in your industry, you unexpectedly get a shitload of relevant job opportunities with better benefits/pay/etc, because businesses obviously just want to recruit people who are already working.

  6. Despite the fact that I live on the mainland of the United States and have never visited Hawai’i, I continue to receive job listings for Lahaina, Hawaii.

    I’m not against it, but they’re also $15/hr work, which seems like a poor “let me uproot everything and relocate at great personal expense” gamble.

  7. I made the blunder of creating a Monster profile to aid in my work search. I’m a molecular biologist with a PhD. Approximately 75% of the Monster positions I was contacted about were insurance sales jobs with no base salary and just fee.

  8. I applied at Marriott for the on-site HR representative role, which is similar to your entry-level HR position. I have ten years of management experience and a bachelor’s degree in human resources. I was turned down, but in the email, they mentioned that they had a position for me that they thought I’d be perfect for…. housekeeper. I cried because I was so furious. I’ve never worked in a house before.

  9. A recruiter contacted me the other day and said, “We have a fantastic opportunity for you.” She was attempting to give me a job with the same organization and team that I had just quit.

  10. I made the error of clicking on a work advertisement. They approached me and asked if I would like to work at the Mustang ranch. It’s true.

  11. “We noticed you’re graduating with a bachelor’s degree in film; are you interested in pursuing a master’s degree in health administration?”

    LinkedIn the day before yesterday

    Edit: LinkedIn once recommended a post by Boris Johnson because I listed Original Music as a skill. What the hell is going on?

  12. “Thank you for your consideration,” Moe says. However, for every year you have lived, we need at least two years of experience. As a result, your application will be rejected due to a lack of experience. Thank you for your time and consideration, and best wishes.”

  13. It’s on my resume that I served in desktop support 20 years ago. Every day, I get calls from recruiters asking if I’d like to work for minimum wage again. No, but yes, 20 years ago.

  14. With a bachelor’s degree in mechanical engineering and years of industry experience, I’m always flattered when some jerk on LinkedIn asks me to apply for a warehouse packer job that pays $14.50 per hour and comes with a $500 sign-on bonus.

  15. I recall looking for work a few years ago. I’m a computer support specialist with a networking and security degree. I had to sift through a blizzard of emails, voicemails, and *text messages* offering me a “lucrative job” as a “independent sales agent” with the ability to “set your own hours”… What part of **tech support** makes you think I’d make a good salesperson???

  16. What are you talking about? Transferable skills are those that can be used in a variety of situations… If you stab them, we slab them; if you kill them, we barbecue them.

  17. Meanwhile, in 1971, Baby Boomers:

    • Middle school education

    • N/A in terms of experience

    • Bibliography: N/A

    • Capacity to communicate

    **Congratulations; you have been recruited to work for Northrop Grumman as a result of your excellent application. Your starting salary will be $75,000 a year, and a $15,000 bonus, plus medical and dental insurance, as well as three months of guaranteed holiday and sick leave.

  18. These irritate me to no end. I understand that pyramid schemes are lazy because they are designed to achieve saturation, but’real’ companies make me hate them.

    ​​​&#

    Sorry for the inconvenience…

    I’m a lawyer, and while I understand that ‘the bar’ is a term used in both fields, I don’t think I’m interested in working as a barback.

  19. Something similar happened to me. Because of my Python expertise, a company contacted me and asked me to apply as a programmer.

    I’m a lawyer, and I consider a Python to be an invasive species…

  20. “We noticed you’re graduating with a bachelor’s degree in broadcasting and electronic media; are you interested in pursuing a master’s degree in health administration?”

    LinkedIn the day before yesterday

    Edit: LinkedIn once recommended a post by Boris Johnson because I listed Original Music as a skill. What the hell is going on?

    Edit 2: Because it’s impossible to simply shorten a name.

  21. My husband will receive his bachelor’s degree in mathematics this semester. He received an automated email shortly after applying for a data analytics job, saying something along the lines of “We invite you to apply for our night trash collection position!”

  22. It’s depressing to be looking for work right now. No employer will publish the pay rate for their position and expect you to work off-shifts and overtime.

  23. As an electrical engineer with 15 years of experience in controls and automation, I have to laugh when I’m approached about a fantastic opportunity with Chipotle or Walmart where my skills will be a great fit!!

  24. That’s even better than being asked to apply for a position as a ballroom dance instructor at a new Fred Astaire Dance Studio in my state. I can’t begin to express how ridiculous that is. 🙂

  25. I had to sift through a lot of people wanting to employ me as a landscaper while looking for mortgage underwriting work. I’m not sure why.

  26. But, for real. For ten years, I worked as a funeral director, and it seems that I will be a good match as a warehouse supervisor.

    For each, I’m guessing there are a lot of boxes.

  27. *Moe’s Southwest Grill experience of at least 25 years is needed.

    We’re celebrating our 20th anniversary at Moe’s Southwest Grill!

  28. 90% of the users on my LinkedIn feed treat it like Facebook, 9% are scammers, and 1% are either saying hello or congratulating each other. I can’t do it because of the number of different viewpoints I see there. Tammy, I’m not here to hear about baby stewy or why X political party has a hidden desire for Y. I’ve come to see if I can get out of this quagmire, even if it means losing money.

  29. Indeed has sent me similar emails in the past. I have a BS in graphic design and an AAS in IT computer systems administration, and I got an email a few weeks ago offering me a job as a window washer. I politely declined and told the sender that I am currently working and do not wish to pursue their bid.

  30. Okay, maybe there are some jitters on the first day. There is no need to be concerned. Simply set the oven to a lower temperature than 1,600°F next time. Aim for a score of about 425*. As compared to mineral ash, we’re aiming for an internal temperature of around 150*-160*. It’s all right! Just give it another shot. There’s a lot of pork in the walk-in.

    Is anybody else getting a whiff of formaldehyde?

    The second lesson will be on barbecue sauce. We’ll probably get to that tomorrow.

  31. Then inform them of your anticipated starting salary. “I’m searching for a job that pays $43,000 per year and includes full medical benefits; are you willing to match that?” That usually makes them leave.

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